‘ALL’ IS AN ILLUSION

The saying “You can have it all” seems prevalent, especially as a motivational mantra to African women towards success. But what exactly does “all” mean? A present, fantastic, and phenomenal wife and mother who is also a leading CEO of one of the largest world companies? A student with straight A’s, rich parents, global recognition, partying and living the life? A highly skilled man with different estates to his name yet a present father and husband and maybe with an understanding mistress on the side? Where did the idea of “all” come from? Who made the criteria for “all”? 

While it is possible to touch on different aspects of life, the question is: how probable is it to give a hundred percent to all? 

It seems to elude humans of all creatures that every path has its price and pleasure; that no matter how glorious the concept of “you can have it all” is sold in the world of ambition and possibilities”, there are existing frameworks which reveal the truth about life, out of which three would be highlighted below.

In Economics, there is a concept called Opportunity Cost, which is a fundamental framework in decision making. It proposes that for every choice we make, there is an equivalent forfeited. In other words, making a particular choice involves giving up another. For example, if you get married to a person, you have forfeited the opportunity to know what getting married to another would be like. If you choose to become a lawyer, you have forfeited becoming a doctor but more importantly the price and pleasure of getting married to that other person or becoming a doctor.

The second is the Limitation of Time and Energy. This stems from the understanding that time and energy are finite resources and therefore as humans, there is only so much we can do. For instance, a student trying to balance academics, extra-curricular activities and personal life must realize that investing excessive time in one area might detract from others. What this then means is that the demand for careful allocation of time and energy can only be done by prioritization and boundary setting, further debunking the idea of ‘having it all’ as an unrealistic expectation. 

Moving on, Psychologist Barry Schwartz in his book “The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less”, explores the psychological impact of having too many options and how it can lead to decision paralysis and reduced satisfaction. Have you ever continued browsing through an e-catalogue because you felt seeing more products would help you make better selections?

What happened in the process of endless scrolling?

Exactly the point. 

The satisfaction you thought you would have from more options was replaced with the feeling of frustration and a sense of unfulfilled desire. 

Let’s take another example; this would be more relatable to women where you find yourself buying more and more cheap skincare products because you avoid investing in the few costly products that meet your needs. 

What happened afterwards? 

Of course, your experience is as good as mine: you eventually discarded or gave out the many products you accumulated in the process of picking quantity over quality. That is the essence of the Paradox of Choice framework. The more you take on, the less you get. It’s similar to the 80/20 rule in which eighty percent of your reward comes from twenty percent of your actions such that as a trader for example, eighty percent of your greatest profit or revenue is generated by twenty percent of your product. Therefore, if more is less, then less is invariably more. That is to say, it’s not about having it all but making less more.

“All” is an illusion, primarily because there are no conventional metrics to measure the word “all”. Rather, it feels like a projection of clusters to promote busyness over productivity. It’s important to bear in mind that success is subjective and that the finiteness of time and energy stares us in the face with the reality that no human can surpass. Therefore, we must choose a path to tread and be comfortable missing out on the other side of what could have been in order to amass the great reward of the chosen path. That is the price we must pay.